Christian Attitudes to Marital Breakdown and Re-marriage

When a marriage breaks down

Christians generally regard marriage as a lifelong commitment involving love and faithfulness. Marital breakdown therefore raises difficult questions: should spouses always remain married, or can ending a marriage sometimes be justified? If divorce takes place, should they be allowed to marry someone else?

Several different situations need to be distinguished. Separation means a married couple live apart but remain married. It may give them time to attempt reconciliation, or it may be permanent. Divorce legally ends the marriage. A separated person cannot simply marry someone else: marrying another person while still legally married is bigamy, which is illegal.

Annulment is different again. It declares that a marriage was not valid, rather than ending a valid marriage. These distinctions matter because a marriage can have ended in civil law while a Church still regards its religious bond as continuing.

Adultery and the commitment to faithfulness

Adultery is a sexual relationship between a married person and someone other than their spouse. Christians reject adultery because it breaks marital faithfulness and betrays the commitment made to a spouse. It can damage trust and contribute to the breakdown of a family.

Christians disagree, however, about what should follow adultery. Some emphasise forgiveness and reconciliation where these are possible. Others accept that such a serious betrayal may provide grounds for divorce. Forgiving a spouse does not necessarily mean that the marriage can successfully continue.

Jesus’ teaching: a lifelong bond and a disputed exception

In Mark 10:9, Jesus says:

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

The important idea is that marriage is more than an arrangement between two individuals: God joins the couple together. Christians who oppose divorce argue that human decisions should not undo this God-given bond. Mark 10:12 also describes divorcing a spouse and marrying another person as adultery, connecting the permanence of marriage with opposition to re-marriage.

Matthew 19:8–9 records Jesus saying:

“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Jesus presents Moses’ permission as a concession to human failings, not God's original ideal. However, the phrase “except for sexual immorality” leads to different interpretations. Some Christians understand it as allowing divorce following adultery, and therefore permitting re-marriage in those circumstances. Catholics do not interpret it as permission to dissolve a valid, consummated sacramental marriage. Both approaches take Jesus’ words seriously, but reach different conclusions about the exception.

Catholic attitudes: separation rather than ending the bond

The Catholic Church understands marriage as a lifelong sacrament. A civil divorce does not dissolve a valid, consummated marriage between baptised Christians in the eyes of the Church. Catholics therefore cannot ordinarily marry another person while their spouse is alive, even if they are legally divorced.

Separation is possible when spouses cannot continue living together. It does not remove their marriage bond, so they remain bound by marital faithfulness rather than being free to begin another sexual relationship.

An annulment may be possible if there are grounds showing that a valid marriage never existed. For example, a Church tribunal may find that one or both partners did not give valid consent when exchanging their vows. An unhappy marriage does not automatically qualify for annulment: the question concerns its validity, not simply whether it later failed. Following an annulment, a person may be free to marry in church.

For example, two people could obtain a civil divorce but still be regarded as married by the Catholic Church. A declaration of nullity would address a different question: whether their marriage had been valid in the first place.

Anglican and Non-conformist attitudes

Anglicans uphold lifelong marriage but accept that divorce can occur. Views about re-marriage vary. Some prefer a civil wedding followed by a church service of prayer and dedication. Some clergy will conduct a church wedding for divorced people, but an individual minister is not obliged to do so. Acceptance of legal divorce therefore does not automatically mean acceptance of every re-marriage in church.

Non-conformist Christians, including Methodists and members of the United Reformed Church, also regard divorce as something best avoided. However, they may permit re-marriage when it is considered suitable for those concerned. Ministers cannot be forced to conduct a re-marriage ceremony against their convictions.

Christians who support a second marriage may appeal to God's forgiveness: people who recognise their mistakes and genuinely repent should have the opportunity for a fresh start. This does not mean treating marriage vows as unimportant; it means recognising that relationships can break down despite the ideal of lifelong commitment.

Weighing the arguments

The strongest argument against divorce and re-marriage is that marriage involves a binding promise before God. Mark 10:9 supports protecting that promise rather than treating it as temporary. Separation offers a way of living apart without claiming that the religious bond has ended.

The contrasting argument is that the ideal of lifelong marriage must be considered alongside actual marital breakdown. Matthew's exception, together with Christian beliefs about forgiveness, can support allowing divorce and a new marriage in some circumstances.

A justified conclusion should explain which consideration carries greater weight. For example, someone might defend lifelong marriage as the ideal while supporting carefully considered re-marriage after a relationship has irretrievably broken down. Alternatively, they might argue that compassion should take the form of separation and support, without dissolving the marriage bond.