Christian Marriage and Marital Breakdown

Marriage as a sacred commitment

For Christians, marriage is more than a legal agreement. It is traditionally understood as a gift from God: a sacred bond in which a couple promise lifelong love, faithfulness and support. Commitment means that their responsibilities to one another do not disappear when life becomes difficult.

Christian teaching connects marriage with companionship, sexual intimacy and family life. Genesis 2:18 states, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone.’ This supports the importance of companionship. Catholic teaching identifies the good of both spouses and having children as purposes of marriage. The Church of England marriage service similarly connects marriage with mutual support, the strengthening of love through sexual intimacy, and having and bringing up children.

Becoming ‘one flesh’: Mark 10:6–8

In Mark 10:6–8, Jesus refers back to creation: God made human beings ‘male and female’, and a man leaves his parents to be united with his wife. Jesus says that ‘the two will become one flesh’, so ‘they are no longer two, but one flesh’.

‘One flesh’ expresses a deep union, not simply two people sharing a home. The couple form a shared life, and their relationship takes on a new priority. Christians also understand marriage as reflecting the relationship between Jesus and the Church: a relationship of unity and faithful love. This helps explain why marriage is regarded as sacred rather than only a private arrangement.

Marriage also has a wider social purpose. The Faith and Order Commission, which advises the Church of England Synod, argues that marriage ‘strengthens community’. Learning to support a spouse can help people become better friends and neighbours. Its report, Men and Women in Marriage, also explains that children can learn from seeing a couple cope together with disagreements and disappointments. The argument is not that married life is always easy, but that working through difficulties can provide an example of lasting commitment.

How Christian weddings express these beliefs

In Britain, Christian weddings commonly take place in a church or chapel. The religious setting expresses the belief that marriage is a gift from God. However, the Church of England also recognises marriages celebrated outside a Christian place of worship.

The promises made during the ceremony show what married commitment involves. In the Church of England service, ‘for better for worse’ and ‘for richer for poorer’ mean that support should continue through changing circumstances. ‘In sickness and in health’ promises care when a partner is vulnerable. ‘To love and to cherish’ expresses active concern for the other person, while ‘till death do us part’ expresses the intention that marriage should last for life. Making these vows before God gives them religious significance.

Ceremonies differ between Christian traditions. In an Anglican church, the couple marry in front of an altar or table. Many Protestant services emphasise Bible readings and hymn singing, placing the marriage within Christian teaching and worship. In an Orthodox wedding, crowns are placed on the couple’s heads; these represent the power of the Holy Spirit. The different ceremonies express a shared understanding that marriage has religious significance.

Adultery and the breakdown of trust

Adultery is sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than their spouse. It conflicts with Christian expectations of faithfulness and breaks the commitment expressed in marriage vows. It can also damage trust between partners and disrupt family life.

When a marriage breaks down, reconciliation means trying to restore the relationship. Separation means living apart while remaining married. Divorce, by contrast, legally ends the marriage. A separated person is still legally married and cannot simply marry somebody else: entering another marriage while still married is bigamy, which is illegal.

The distinction matters because legal permission and religious approval are not the same thing. A civil divorce can end a marriage in law without a Church accepting that the religious marriage bond has ended.

Permanence: Mark 10:9 and Catholic teaching

Immediately after describing the couple as ‘one flesh’, Jesus says, ‘Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate’ (Mark 10:9). This supports the view that a marriage joined by God should not be ended by human choice. Mark 10:12 also links divorce followed by remarriage with adultery.

The Catholic Church understands a valid marriage as a lifelong bond and does not regard civil divorce as ending that bond. Separation is therefore different from permission to enter a new marriage: the spouses can live apart while remaining married in the Church’s understanding. While that bond remains, the Church does not permit marriage to a new partner, even after a civil divorce.

An annulment is different again. It declares that a valid marriage did not exist from the beginning; it does not end a valid marriage merely because the relationship has become unhappy. For example, being below the required age may mean that a marriage was not valid. Relationship breakdown alone does not establish grounds for an annulment. This distinction explains why an annulment can allow a subsequent marriage without abandoning the principle that a valid marriage is lifelong.

A possible exception: Matthew 19:8–9

Matthew’s account includes a qualification not found in Mark 10:9. Jesus explains that Moses permitted divorce because people’s ‘hearts were hard’, but that this was not God’s original intention. He then says that someone who divorces his wife, ‘except for sexual immorality’, and marries another woman commits adultery.

Some Christians interpret this exception as allowing divorce following adultery. On this reading, lifelong faithfulness remains the ideal, but sexual betrayal may provide grounds for ending a marriage. This contrasts with a reading of Mark 10:9 that emphasises the permanence of the marriage bond without such an exception.

Christian acceptance of civil divorce does not automatically mean approval of every remarriage. The central question is whether a previous marriage is still understood to bind the couple religiously, and how the biblical passages should be interpreted.

Anglican and Non-conformist approaches to remarriage

The Church of England maintains the ideal of lifelong marriage but recognises that some marriages fail for sad and painful reasons. Since 2002, it has allowed divorced people to marry again in church in certain circumstances. This is not an automatic entitlement to a church wedding. The couple discuss their previous marriage and their hopes for the future with the vicar, who decides whether they can conduct the ceremony. Some vicars do not feel able to marry divorced people. Where a church wedding is not possible, a blessing after a civil wedding may be offered.

Non-conformist churches are Protestant churches outside the established Church of England. The Methodist Church provides an example of a Non-conformist approach that permits remarriage after divorce. Most Methodist ministers conduct these weddings. Some object on grounds of conscience, but couples are referred to a minister who is willing to conduct the wedding rather than being excluded simply because they are divorced.

Methodist acceptance of remarriage does not mean that earlier promises are treated as unimportant. Marriage preparation helps the couple think carefully about their new commitment. Where someone feels guilt about breaking their original vows, Methodist guidance suggests prayer expressing penitence, forgiveness and new beginnings. Penitence means acknowledging wrongdoing and seeking forgiveness: a new marriage can therefore be understood as a fresh start rather than a denial that the first marriage mattered.

There can also be pastoral concerns, such as serious weaknesses in the new relationship that have not been addressed, or the needs of children from former relationships. Methodist guidance calls for discussion and careful consideration of these concerns. Permission to remarry is therefore combined with responsibility towards the couple and others affected.

Weighing the arguments

An argument against divorce and remarriage can appeal to Mark 10:9: promises made before God should remain binding, and preserving commitment can protect spouses and children from the consequences of broken trust. Its strength is its clear emphasis on the seriousness of marriage. The Catholic position applies this principle by distinguishing civil divorce from the continuing religious marriage bond.

An argument allowing divorce in some circumstances can appeal to Matthew 19:8–9: the exception concerning sexual immorality recognises that a partner may have seriously broken the marriage commitment. Its strength is that it distinguishes a faithful relationship from one in which the promises have already been betrayed. Support for remarriage can also emphasise forgiveness and new beginnings, as Methodist guidance does, while requiring careful preparation for another commitment.

A justified conclusion should address both the ideal of lifelong marriage and the reality of marital breakdown. For example, someone might conclude that marriage should normally be lifelong, while arguing that Matthew allows divorce in particular circumstances and that forgiveness can support remarriage. They would need to explain why a new marriage is justified, rather than assuming that permission to divorce automatically settles that question.

Nature and purpose

• Marriage: a sacred, faithful, lifelong commitment.
• Purposes: companionship, mutual support, sexual intimacy and having and bringing up children.
• Mark 10:6–8: ‘one flesh’ — unity and a shared life.
• Church of England Synod: the Faith and Order Commission argues that marriage strengthens community and models commitment for children.

Ceremonies express beliefs

• ‘For better for worse’: support through difficulties.
• ‘In sickness and in health’: care and responsibility.
• ‘Till death do us part’: lifelong commitment.
• Anglican weddings: altar or table; many Protestant services: readings and hymns; Orthodox weddings: crowns representing the Holy Spirit.

Breakdown and biblical interpretation

• Adultery violates marital faithfulness.
• Separation leaves the marriage intact; divorce legally ends it; annulment declares it invalid from the beginning.
• Mark 10:9: ‘what God has joined together, let no one separate’ — supports permanence.
• Matthew 19:8–9: some Christians interpret the exception for sexual immorality as permitting divorce following adultery.

Contrasting views on remarriage

• Catholic: civil divorce does not end a valid marriage bond; no new marriage while that bond remains. An annulment declares that the marriage was invalid.
• Church of England: remarriage in church permitted in certain circumstances since 2002, following discussion with the vicar. Some vicars decline; a blessing after civil marriage may be offered.
• Methodist — a Non-conformist example: permits remarriage after divorce; most ministers conduct it. Conscientious objectors refer couples to a willing minister. Preparation and pastoral care remain important.
• Evaluation: weigh lifelong vows and Mark 10:9 against Matthew’s exception, forgiveness and new beginnings. Permission to divorce and permission to remarry are distinct questions.