Teachings on Sexual Relationships

Sexual relationships as love and responsibility

Jewish teachings generally treat sexual intimacy as something important rather than shameful. It can express love, deepen a couple’s relationship and enable them to have children. The central question is therefore not simply whether sex is acceptable, but what makes a sexual relationship good and responsible.

Traditionally, marriage provides its proper setting. Genesis 2:24 describes a husband and wife becoming ‘one flesh’: sexual union belongs within a close, committed bond. This helps explain why many Jews understand sex as more than a physical act. However, Jewish traditions differ over whether marriage is always necessary and whether same-sex sexual relationships are acceptable.

Genesis 1:26–31: creation, dignity and children

Genesis is the first book of the Torah, Judaism’s foundational teaching. In Genesis 1:26–31, God creates human beings in the divine image, creates them male and female, blesses them and commands them to ‘Be fruitful and multiply’ (1:28). At the end of the passage, God judges creation to be ‘very good’ (1:31).

These ideas connect sexual relationships with God’s creation. Having children, or procreation, fulfils the command to multiply. The goodness of creation also supports a positive understanding of human bodies and sexuality rather than treating them as inherently bad.

The passage contributes to different arguments. Traditional Jews connect the creation of male and female with the ideal of a sexual relationship between a husband and wife. Jews who support same-sex relationships may emphasise that all people are made in God’s image and therefore deserve dignity, including gay and lesbian people. Some argue that a person’s same-sex orientation is natural and can be accepted as part of who God created them to be. These are different interpretations of the implications of creation, not different accounts of what Genesis says.

Song of Songs: intimacy is not only about reproduction

The Song of Songs is a book of poetry in the Jewish scriptures which portrays the attraction, affection and longing of lovers. Both lovers speak, respond to one another and express admiration. The declaration ‘I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine’ (6:3) conveys mutual belonging and commitment.

Read as love poetry, it shows that sexual love can have value beyond producing children: affection, pleasure and closeness matter too. Its portrayal of reciprocal love helps explain why a relationship’s quality is important, not merely its physical aspect.

This does not mean the Song of Songs automatically permits every kind of sexual relationship. Traditional Jews can understand its celebration of intimacy alongside the teaching that sex belongs within marriage. Other readers may emphasise its loving, mutual commitment when considering relationships beyond that traditional setting.

Sexual relationships outside marriage

Sex outside marriage includes different situations. Premarital sex takes place before marriage; adultery involves a married person having sex with someone other than their spouse. A faithful unmarried couple and a person betraying a spouse therefore raise different ethical questions.

Orthodox Judaism generally teaches that sex belongs within marriage. Marriage sanctifies the relationship and provides the appropriate setting for sexual intimacy. Most Orthodox Jews consequently oppose premarital sex and cohabitation as a sexual partnership: commitment alone does not replace the religious importance of marriage.

Reform and Liberal Jews generally still regard marriage as an ideal, but may accept premarital sex or cohabitation within a committed, faithful relationship. Their emphasis allows greater flexibility while retaining responsibilities towards a partner. It should not be confused with approval of deception or unfaithfulness.

For example, an unmarried couple who are loyal to one another may meet the relationship standards emphasised by some Reform or Liberal Jews. An Orthodox response would be that their loyalty is valuable, but they should marry before beginning a sexual relationship.

Divergent Jewish views on same-sex relationships

Leviticus 18:22 prohibits a man from having sexual relations with another man as with a woman. Orthodox Judaism traditionally understands this as a binding prohibition on male same-sex sexual activity and maintains marriage between a man and a woman as the religious ideal.

It is important to distinguish orientation—who someone is attracted to—from sexual activity. Some Jews distinguish being gay from acting sexually on that attraction. A person may therefore choose celibacy in order to follow traditional religious teaching. Orthodox opposition to particular sexual acts does not necessarily mean rejecting gay people: some Orthodox communities emphasise welcoming and supporting them while retaining the prohibition.

Reform and Liberal Judaism generally accept same-sex relationships and support same-sex marriage. Supporters emphasise human dignity and argue that same-sex couples can show the same love, commitment and faithfulness as opposite-sex couples. Reform and Liberal synagogues may hold same-sex weddings. Some Masorti communities offer shutafut, a partnership ceremony distinct from traditional kiddushin, the sanctification of marriage. Practice varies between communities and rabbis.

Non-religious attitudes and Jewish responses

Atheism means not believing in gods; it does not prescribe one set of sexual rules. Humanism offers a non-religious ethical approach based on reason and human welfare. Many atheists and Humanists accept both non-marital and same-sex sexual relationships when people choose them freely and act responsibly. They judge relationships through consent, honesty, care and their effects on those involved rather than through religious permission.

Arguments for accepting premarital sex include personal freedom and the opportunity to discover whether partners are compatible. A couple may be deeply committed without holding a wedding. The availability of contraception also allows people greater control over pregnancy, although it does not remove the need for responsibility or faithfulness.

Arguments for accepting same-sex relationships include that same-sex attraction is natural, loving couples deserve equal treatment, and prejudice can cause serious harm. Same-sex marriage is legally recognised in Great Britain, but legality alone does not settle whether a relationship is morally right.

An Orthodox Jewish response is that changing social attitudes cannot override divine commandments. A relationship may be loving while still falling outside the permitted religious setting. Reform and Liberal Jews may agree more closely with non-religious acceptance, connecting it with Jewish teachings about dignity and committed love. Both religious and non-religious people can object to relationships involving betrayal, pressure or harm.

Reaching a justified judgement

The disagreement often concerns the source of moral authority. If divine commandments are understood as binding and unchanging, love and consent are necessary but may not be sufficient: the relationship must also follow religious law. If human welfare and equal treatment are the main criteria, excluding a faithful couple simply because they are unmarried or of the same sex can seem unjustified.

A reasoned conclusion should weigh these arguments rather than merely announce a preference. For example, someone could support committed non-marital and same-sex relationships because honesty, consent and care protect those involved, while recognising why Orthodox Jews regard obedience to God as decisive. Alternatively, someone could defend the traditional Jewish ideal because religious law gives sexual intimacy a sacred setting, while also insisting that disagreement must not justify hostility towards others.