Importance and Purpose of Marriage

Marriage as a sacred partnership

In Judaism, marriage is more than a couple sharing a home. It is a spiritual, emotional and intellectual partnership through which they can fulfil God’s wishes and bring holiness into everyday life. The relationship involves lasting responsibilities, including love, respect and care for one another.

The creation account provides a foundation for this understanding. In Genesis 2:18, God says, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone’, before creating a companion for Adam. Genesis 2:24 describes a man leaving his parents and joining his wife so that they become ‘one flesh’. These teachings connect marriage with companionship and a close shared life, rather than simply a temporary arrangement.

The term kiddushin, used for the sanctification or betrothal stage of a Jewish wedding, means making holy. It expresses the belief that marriage has a sacred significance: ordinary actions such as supporting a spouse can become part of living according to God’s wishes.

Proverbs 18:22: goodness and God’s blessing

Proverbs is part of the Ketuvim, the Writings section of the Jewish scriptures. Proverbs 18:22 teaches:

‘He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favour from the Lord.’

This presents marriage as both a good part of human life and a source of God’s blessing. For Jews who follow this teaching, marriage is therefore valuable not only because it makes a couple happy, but because it has religious importance.

The verse praises marriage; it does not mean that every marriage will automatically be happy. A couple must put its purposes into practice through their behaviour. The Talmud, a collection of rabbinic teaching and discussion, teaches that a man should love his wife as himself and honour her more than himself (Yevamot 62b). This connects the value of marriage with how spouses treat each other.

The purposes of marriage in Jewish life

Companionship and mutual support are central purposes. Marriage creates a close relationship in which the couple share their lives and care for each other. Love and respect are responsibilities within that relationship, not simply feelings at the time of the wedding.

Many Jews also regard marriage as the proper setting for sexual relationships and having children. It provides a family setting in which a couple can fulfil God’s command to have children and take responsibility for their upbringing. This is an important purpose of marriage, but not its only value: companionship, care and holiness also matter.

Marriage can also help continue Jewish faith and identity. A Jewish household can pass on beliefs and practices to the next generation. This explains why some Jews are concerned about marrying someone who is not Jewish: they worry that Jewish faith may be less likely to be passed on. Attitudes towards such marriages vary, but the underlying concern shows why marriage can matter to the wider Jewish community as well as to the couple.

Why non-religious people may value marriage

Non-religious people do not need to believe that marriage is commanded by God in order to value it. An atheist does not believe in God or gods, but that belief alone does not determine whether they want to marry. Some atheists see marriage as very important; others do not.

Marriage can provide a public declaration of love, confirm an existing commitment and offer a stable framework for family life. Its value may therefore be understood in terms of its benefits for people and society rather than its sacred status.

Humanists approach ethical questions through reason, empathy and human wellbeing. Humanists UK describes strong long-term partnerships as based on support, equality and honesty. A Humanist wedding can celebrate these values through personal vows, readings and promises in front of family and friends. This is a concrete example of a meaningful marriage celebration without belief in God.

Why others see marriage as less important

Some non-religious people argue that a faithful, caring relationship does not depend on being married. They may choose cohabitation, meaning living together as a couple without marrying. Their argument is that commitment is shown through everyday behaviour, not proved by a ceremony.

Others point out that marriages can end in divorce, so marriage does not guarantee permanence or stability. The possible expense of a wedding may also discourage a couple from marrying. These arguments question whether marriage is necessary; they do not necessarily reject love, commitment or family life.

A supporter of marriage could reply that a marriage can still provide a valuable public commitment even though success is not guaranteed. Equally, an expensive celebration is not what makes a relationship caring or dependable.

Jewish responses and a reasoned judgement

Many Jews agree with non-religious people that relationships should involve love, faithfulness and responsibility. The disagreement is often about whether those qualities are sufficient without marriage. For a Jew who regards marriage as sacred and intended by God, cohabitation cannot fully replace its religious purpose.

Orthodox Jews generally take a traditional approach: sexual relationships belong within marriage, so they would normally reject cohabitation as an alternative. This response rests on religious obligation, not just on whether a couple appears happy.

Reform and Liberal Jews may be more accepting of cohabitation within a committed, faithful relationship, while still valuing marriage. This gives greater weight to the quality of the relationship, without requiring the conclusion that marriage has no importance.

A justified conclusion should distinguish two questions: Can an unmarried relationship be loving and stable? and Does it fulfil the religious purposes of Jewish marriage? A Humanist may answer the first question positively and see no need for marriage. An Orthodox Jew may recognise the couple’s care for each other but still judge marriage necessary because of God’s wishes. Marriage can therefore remain especially important in Jewish life without being the only way non-religious people understand commitment.