Rituals

Why life’s turning points have rituals

Jewish rites of passage mark birth, religious adulthood, marriage and death. They connect an individual’s life with God, Jewish teaching and the wider community. A family does not celebrate a birth or face bereavement alone: other people share its joy or offer support.

Rituals also connect generations. Repeating a practice associated with the Torah can express belonging to the same religious tradition as earlier Jews. However, Jews disagree about whether faithfulness requires preserving a ritual’s traditional form or adapting it to express its purpose today. Orthodox Judaism generally understands halakhah, Jewish religious law, as binding. Reform Judaism gives greater scope to adaptation while valuing Jewish identity, learning and community.

Welcoming a child: Brit Milah and naming

Brit Milah is ritual male circumcision: removal of the foreskin, normally on the eighth day after birth. Its religious purpose is to mark the covenant between God and Abraham’s descendants. Genesis 17:10–12 describes circumcision as the ‘sign of the covenant’ and commands it for male children at eight days old.

The ceremony may take place at home, in a synagogue or in hospital. A trained mohel performs the circumcision; some Reform communities also use a female practitioner, a mohelet. The baby is carried to the sandek, the honoured person who holds him, often a grandfather. Blessings accompany the circumcision, and a celebratory meal brings family and community together. These features express both obedience to God and support for parents bringing up a Jewish child.

The eighth-day rule does not override the child’s safety. Jewish legal teaching requires circumcision to be postponed when a baby is ill: preserving life takes priority.

Girls are also welcomed and named. In Orthodox communities this commonly involves a synagogue blessing around the first Shabbat after birth, followed by a family celebration. A naming ceremony, often called Brit Bat, welcomes the girl into Jewish communal life; it does not involve circumcision.

For Orthodox Jews, Brit Milah is a commanded physical sign of the covenant, not simply an optional celebration. Nevertheless, circumcision does not itself determine whether a child born Jewish is Jewish. Many Reform Jews retain Brit Milah, but some understand the covenant primarily as a spiritual relationship and choose not to circumcise their sons. The disagreement concerns how the covenant should be expressed, not necessarily whether it matters.

Interpreting Genesis 21:1–8: Isaac’s welcome

Genesis 21:1–8 tells how Sarah gives birth to Abraham’s son Isaac at the time God had promised. Abraham is a hundred years old when Isaac is born. The account presents the birth as God keeping his promise, giving Jews a reason to approach the arrival of a child with gratitude to God.

Abraham names the child Isaac and circumcises him at eight days old, ‘as God had commanded him’ (Genesis 21:4). Whereas Genesis 17 gives the covenant command, Genesis 21 shows Abraham putting it into practice. For Orthodox Jews, this reinforces Brit Milah as obedience to a binding command and connects a baby’s ceremony with Abraham’s own actions.

Sarah says, ‘God hath made laughter for me’, and expresses amazement that she has borne and can nurse a son in Abraham’s old age. The account links Isaac’s name with laughter and joy. Naming can therefore be understood as more than giving a child a label: it expresses the meaning of the child’s arrival for the family. Jews may draw on this theme when welcoming and naming either a boy or a girl.

The passage ends with Isaac growing and being weaned, meaning that he stops feeding on his mother’s milk. Abraham holds a great feast on that day. This is a later celebration, not a feast described as taking place at the circumcision. Nevertheless, Sarah’s joy and Abraham’s feast provide a scriptural model for celebrating a child’s life with others, paralleling the shared meals and communal welcome of birth rituals today.

Reform Jews who retain Brit Milah may emphasise these themes of covenant, naming and joyful belonging. Some who understand the covenant spiritually rather than requiring circumcision may give greater weight to naming and celebration in a welcome ceremony. These interpretations differ over the required physical act while still recognising the religious importance of welcoming a child.

Interpreting Leviticus 12

Leviticus 12:3 states: ‘On the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.’ This gives direct scriptural support for the timing of Brit Milah. Orthodox Jews interpret this as a commandment to observe, subject to Jewish law’s protection of health and life. Reform Jews may retain the practice as a powerful expression of belonging, while some interpret covenant membership without requiring the physical act.

The chapter also describes the mother’s ritual status after childbirth. Following a boy’s birth it specifies seven days of ritual impurity followed by thirty-three days of purification; following a girl’s birth it specifies fourteen days followed by sixty-six days. During the specified purification period she is restricted from sacred things and the sanctuary. The chapter also refers to offerings after purification.

Here, ritual impurity is a religious status affecting participation in sacred activities. It does not mean that the mother is physically dirty or morally bad. The passage connects childbirth with religious obligations, but its ancient sanctuary restrictions should not be treated as a description of an identical ceremony performed by every Jewish mother today.

Becoming responsible: Bar and Bat Mitzvah

Bar Mitzvah means ‘son of the commandments’ and Bat Mitzvah means ‘daughter of the commandments’. These mark responsibility for observing Jewish commandments, rather than entry into Judaism for the first time.

A boy becomes Bar Mitzvah at 13. In Orthodox Judaism a girl becomes Bat Mitzvah at 12; Reform communities commonly celebrate girls at 13 alongside boys. The religious status is reached through coming of age, not created by the party or synagogue ceremony.

A Bar Mitzvah celebration usually follows preparation in Hebrew, Jewish teaching and the service. The boy may be called to the Torah, recite blessings and read from it. He may also give a talk. Traditionally, his father recites a blessing acknowledging release from responsibility for his son’s religious conduct. A meal and gifts celebrate the occasion.

In Orthodox Judaism the boy can now count towards the male minyan and takes on adult religious duties, including wearing tefillin for weekday morning prayer. Tefillin are small boxes containing scriptural passages, worn on the arm and head. His preparation therefore supports responsibilities extending well beyond the celebration.

Different ways of celebrating a girl’s religious adulthood

Orthodox Jews recognise girls’ religious responsibility, but traditional rules give women and men different roles in communal worship. A girl does not normally read from the Torah in the mixed congregational service or count towards its minyan. Her celebration may therefore include study, a talk, blessings and a meal rather than copying a boy’s service.

There is diversity within Orthodoxy. Some communities favour a home or school celebration; others arrange a synagogue celebration outside the regular service. Some hold a group ceremony called Bat Chayil, meaning ‘daughter of worth’. These approaches can strengthen girls’ education and attachment to Judaism while respecting traditional worship rules.

Reform Judaism generally gives girls and boys equal opportunities to participate. A girl may read from the Torah and take the same service roles as a boy. Supporters argue that equal participation shows that both have equally important religious responsibilities.

The strongest comparison is therefore not ‘Orthodox Jews value boys, Reform Jews value girls’. Both can value girls’ religious adulthood. They disagree about whether equal religious importance requires identical ritual roles.

Marriage: creating a Jewish home

Jewish marriage expresses commitment, companionship and the creation of a home in which Jewish life can continue. Genesis 2:24 describes a man leaving his parents, being united with his wife and becoming ‘one flesh’. Genesis 1:28, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’, supports the traditional importance of having children and passing on the faith.

Many traditional couples fast before their wedding as an act of repentance, approaching marriage as a fresh start. The ceremony takes place beneath a huppah, a canopy representing their shared home. Its open sides express openness to family and community.

Blessings are said over wine, and the couple drink from the same cup, expressing their shared life. In the traditional ceremony the groom gives the bride a ring and declares that she is consecrated to him according to the law of Moses and Israel. Reform ceremonies may include a mutual exchange of rings, expressing equal commitment.

The ketubah, or marriage contract, is read, and seven blessings are recited. The groom traditionally breaks a glass. This recalls the destruction of the Temple and brings remembrance of sorrow into a joyful occasion. A reception allows others to share the couple’s happiness.

Orthodox Jews stress the ceremony’s conformity to halakhah and require both partners to be Jewish. This protects the marriage’s religious status and supports continuity of Jewish family life. Some Reform communities offer ceremonies for mixed-faith couples, although policies vary. Supporters of adaptation argue that welcoming such families can sustain their connection with Judaism; supporters of traditional restrictions argue that shared faith provides a firmer basis for a Jewish home.

The funeral: dignity and care for the dead

Jewish mourning rituals honour the person who has died while supporting those who remain. Traditional practice seeks burial as soon as reasonably possible. The chevra kaddisha, the burial society, helps prepare the body through ritual washing and dressing it in a plain shroud. A plain coffin expresses simplicity rather than status or wealth. Someone stays with the body before burial as a sign of respect.

Close mourners traditionally tear a garment to express grief. The funeral includes prayers, Psalms and a eulogy remembering the person’s life. Mourners help place earth in the grave, performing a final act of care that the deceased cannot repay.

Orthodox Judaism requires burial rather than cremation and emphasises prompt burial and traditional preparation. Some Reform Jews permit cremation or allow more time before the funeral so that relatives can attend. Some use a black ribbon rather than tearing clothing. These choices can reflect different judgements about how best to honour the dead and support the living, rather than indifference to either.

Shiva and avelut: grief supported by the community

Avelut means mourning. Its stages provide time for grief and a gradual return to ordinary life. Shiva, meaning ‘seven’, is the initial seven-day period following burial.

During traditional shiva, close mourners stay at home, sit on low seats, cover mirrors and light a memorial candle. Ordinary concerns about comfort and appearance are set aside. Visitors bring food, offer company and join prayers, so the bereaved are not expected to manage everything alone.

Mourners recite Kaddish in communal prayer. Although associated with bereavement, it praises God rather than describing death. It can therefore express continued faith and connect mourners with the worshipping community during a painful time.

After shiva, mourning becomes less restrictive. Sheloshim, meaning ‘thirty’, refers to the period extending to thirty days after burial, including shiva. A return to everyday activity takes place while celebrations remain restricted.

When mourning a parent, the traditional mourning period extends to twelve months from burial. Restrictions on festive activities continue beyond sheloshim, recognising the lasting significance of losing a parent. Mourner’s Kaddish is customarily recited for eleven months, rather than throughout all twelve. This distinction reflects the traditional concern that saying it for the full period could imply that the parent needed the maximum possible intercession. Reciting Kaddish also gives the bereaved a regular connection with communal worship and support.

Orthodox Jews generally preserve the traditional stages and their restrictions. Some Reform Jews shorten shiva, leave mirrors uncovered or adapt mourning observances to family circumstances. Traditionalists can argue that a protected period prevents people being rushed back into normal life. Those favouring flexibility can argue that grief and practical needs differ between individuals. Both approaches may value community support and remembrance.

Yahrzeit: continuing to remember

Yahrzeit is the annual anniversary of a person’s death. Families commonly light a memorial candle and say Kaddish. Unlike the immediate mourning period, it gives remembrance a recurring place in life long after the funeral.

It can honour the deceased, preserve family memories and renew a connection with the community. Orthodox Jews generally observe its traditional religious practices; Reform Jews may also retain the candle and Kaddish while adapting remembrance to their family’s circumstances. Adaptation of earlier mourning stages does not mean that annual remembrance has become unimportant.

Judging the importance of ritual today

An argument for preserving traditional rituals is that they fulfil commandments, connect Jews with previous generations and provide a shared structure at moments of uncertainty. Brit Milah’s eighth-day command, followed by Abraham in Genesis 21:4, and the established stages of mourning give concrete examples.

An argument for adaptation is that a ritual should communicate its purpose meaningfully today. Equal Torah participation at a Reform Bat Mitzvah can strengthen girls’ religious involvement; flexible mourning arrangements can meet a bereaved family’s needs.

A justified conclusion depends on what ‘importance’ means. If it means obedience to binding religious law, the traditional form is central. If it means strengthening identity, commitment and support, adapted forms may remain highly important. It is therefore more convincing to assess each ritual and its purposes than to assume that every Orthodox Jew or every Reform Jew thinks alike.